Respect in the Cross-Cultural Context

What does it mean to respect someone or something? When trying to understand a complex reality, it's helpful to look at the word's etymology. The word "respect" is from the Latin respectus, which literally means "regard," with the sense of the "act of looking back at one," and the past participle respicere, meaning "look back at, regard, consider." (See Douglas Harper's Online Etymological Dictionary.)

This "act of looking back" connotes a person making a conscious effort to turn around and take a moment to consider what has just been said or done. In doing so, the silence that follows gives the speaker the feeling of being heard, truly listened to, and appreciated while giving the listener the time to choose the best response. In the workplace, when you are confronted by an unfamiliar cross-cultural experience and have learned to master this simple gesture of respect - attentively listening by integrating what you have heard and considering alternative options, instead of shooting from the hip - you exercise restraint and think before you speak. In workshops facilitated around the world, when I ask participants how respect is shown in their culture, they unanimously agree that having the impression of someone truly listening to them is the ultimate sign of human respect.

The word itself, "respect," resonates with everyone. Without going much further than the local shopping mall or workplace, think about how much you show respect in your own daily exchanges. You can also think of examples of when others fail to show you respect: the little slights, disrespectful remarks, or uncivil behaviors that occur every day with shopkeepers and colleagues. According to the book The Cost of Bad Behavior: How Incivility Is Damaging Your Business and What to Do About It by Christine Pearson and Christine Porath, U.S. companies lose millions of dollars a year through loss of employee effort, teamwork, individual turnover, and missed opportunities due to incivility. Disrespect unconsciously affects people's focus and ability to work.

Whether in the living room, dining room, or boardroom, respect may very well be the universal answer to the question, "How do we communicate more effectively with or without cultural and linguistic barriers?" Knowing that attentive listening means so much to people around the world, what prevents you from answering with "yes" when someone enters your office and asks, "Got a minute?" The consequences of respect and disrespect create high risks locally and in our everyday lives. One can only imagine how valuable this simple gesture of listening is in the globalized arena of the workplace, where we constantly work across cultures.

Working across cultures

Instead of trying to flatten the world with identical behaviors, beliefs, and assumptions - or defining differences in tidy, sterile boxes - you need to learn about and respect cultural differences while also being true to yourself. To maintain this authenticity, you need to expand your comfort zone and define behaviors inspired from around the world, not only values from within. When it comes to respect, being culture savvy is about "accepting that you're going to work with people of different cultures, and that not one culture is going to dominate," as Andrew Gould, chairman and CEO of Schlumberger, stated in a McKinsey interview in April 2010.

How is respect portrayed in today's globalized, intercultural context? Behaviors can vary widely, according to our cultural assumptions, but contemplating what respect means is human nature. For instance, being too informal can be misinterpreted as being disrespectful, something all cultures despise. It is not to say that being charismatic is an unappreciated personality trait when meeting new people or finding your bearings in unfamiliar environments. The ability to put people at ease and draw on every human being's desire to be accepted and recognized for who they are, is definitely a plus when it comes to melting the ice. But why is it "melting the ice," as opposed to "breaking the ice"? Let's consider an example.

While I was running a team building activity with a group from a recently merged company, there was some discussion about how arrogance was portrayed. A German we'll call Dieter described the first time he had met his new American colleague, Jim. After strolling into Dieter's office, Jim grabbed a seat, swung it around, and leaned back into the chair, in a slightly off-balanced manner. He put his arms out and his hands folded on his head as if he were stretching. "Hi, I'm Jim the new director of marketing. I thought I'd pop around to introduce myself to some of the people around here." Dieter stared at him, thinking: Who does he think he is, strolling into my office, taking up my time with a big welcoming grin on his face? Nobody has introduced us. Dieter felt that Jim was being arrogant - to be so at ease in someone else's office was somehow showing a lack of respect, the epitome of arrogance. Later, Jim laughed as he heard Dieter recount their first meeting. Jim's impression had been entirely different. He had gone to Dieter's office to be friendly and, as he said, to break the ice. It seemed everybody in the German office was addressing each other as Herr Doctor this, Herr Doctor that. The formality was cold, reserved, and palpable. Jim just assumed that because they were all on the same team, some friendlier, informal attitudes could build up the team morale. That's when he learned that Dieter's apparently standoffish behavior was actually the cultural norm. Having been raised in a protocol-driven, status-oriented culture, the workplace was for working and one's private life was for friends not colleagues. Many of Dieter's colleagues were getting accustomed to the American use of first names, but when speaking in German between colleagues, they continued to use surnames and titles.

A similar occurrence took place in France while I was facilitating a cross-cultural expatriate workshop. I mentioned that the French don't tend to socialize with colleagues after work. The division between a person's private life and public or professional life was very distinct. The two participants - Wendy, a British woman, and Susan, an American - were surprised. Being used to happy hour drinks between colleagues and pints at the pub back home, they even explained that their French colleague Philippe, who had recently returned to France after having lived in Britain for several years, went out for drinks with them at least once a week. We attributed this to the fact that he had been an expat, so he was familiar with British social customs.

The following week, they told me that when Philippe invited them out for drinks, Wendy and Susan answered that their department director, Mary, was in Paris visiting from New York. They had invited her to join them for drinks. Much to their surprise, Philippe was a bit taken aback and explained that he could go out for drinks with his peers but definitely not with his boss.

As is shown in this case, attitudes toward hierarchy, equality, and the private and public (professional) spheres are found well below the visible tip of the cultural iceberg. These learned behaviors based on assumptions and beliefs remain invisible, even to us. They are accepted and hardly ever questioned - it's just the way we do things. Because these subtle differences were discussed during the three-day workshop, Wendy and Susan were at ease discussing this with their colleague Philippe. Learning what each person had assumed to be the respectful way of including or not including the boss consolidated their relationship as they discussed what respect for equality and privacy meant to each other. Thus, culture became a part of the conversation and not a scapegoat or an uncomfortable avoidance.

Humans all over the globe feel the need for respect in both personal and professional environments. To know what might be considered impolite or a "mistake" in another country, the future expatriate or international team player must delve into his basic cultural assumptions, beliefs, and values - and not necessarily seek to acquire other people's habits. Learning about one's own expectations and values reinforces respect across cultures.

Other examples of respect and disrespect include ways of learning about, but not necessarily adopting, the stereotypical behaviors from one country to another. The risk is simply immense success or utter failure. For instance, in September 2003, Starbucks chairman Howard Schultz said in a statement that "it is with the utmost respect and admiration for the caf society in France that we announce our entry into the market." The French reaction was utter surprise. Newspapers glared with headlines: "Could French Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre Have Found Inspiration Sipping from a Paper Cup of Steaming Starbucks Java?" Coffee is a centuries-old experience in France, and many traditions - like a small cup of espresso in smoky bistros with grumpy service from bow-tied garons - die hard.

Knowing that Starbucks would have to face up to a hard-edged French slur against watered-down coffee like the kind found in many U.S. diners known as jus de chaussettes (juice wrung from soggy socks), Schultz's audacity was more than risky. Any cross-cultural trainer might very well have advised Starbucks not to venture into such a culturally infested minefield. Yet, in January 2004, it dared to open its first smoke-free caf in a city where close to four out of 10 people smoke. Against all the advice about formal French attitudes, coffee cashiers announced orders ready to pick up by calling out first names written on paper cups while jazz music and smiling faces welcomed the long lines of caffeine-craving customers. Instead of laughing Starbucks out of town, customers flocked to the new caf. In explaining the Starbucks' success, Schultz noted, "We are not in the coffee business serving people but in the people business serving coffee." Isn't this the ultimate sign of respect - listening to customers' needs; greeting people with warm, open hearts; and tending to the emotional connection with consumers? In coming years, this and other stories of cultures clashing will become a familiar one as Starbucks and similar multinationals expand their global presence. Thus, in May 2008, Starbucks brought Paris to Taipei with the launch of Starbucks Discoveries Paris Chilled Cup Coffee - a chilled cup of cafe au lait, which is the first of its kind in the Taiwan market.

It's important to note here that these kinds of cultural exchanges are not unilateral. For instance, in July 2010, fast food giant McDonald's reported a 4.6 percent growth in second-quarter sales in the Middle East region, with sales of fish sticks and oriental-style vegetarian pita wraps at the top of its menu offerings. The question "Where's the beef?" takes on a totally different meaning as globalized companies adapt to the local cultural context. As younger generations are more and more connected through social networking media and satellite television, they become more open to new experiences. Their cultural expectations are based more on a human experience than a traditional one. For social artifacts, the future of France may very well be going toward a Starbucks culture.

Does this mean that the French, Chinese, or Korean cultures, to name a few, are in danger of disappearing? Once again, we can look to the impact of social networking media to get a better understanding of what is taking place and how these media will affect respect for national cultures in the years to come. In response to a question posted on a social network site in October 2010, my colleague Alex Ma shared the finding that in China, these media have introduced a Western lifestyle to more and more Chinese families in the city, and many young people have adopted or formulated lifestyles from different cultures but know little about their own culture. Recently, however, China made big improvements by setting up Confucius Institutes all over the world to teach the Chinese language as well as introduce Chinese tradition and culture. Koreans are doing OK with this issue of using modern social networks to introduce and promote their own culture, but meanwhile the government is emphasizing preserving cultural traditions and historical interest, not only to let their own children get familiar with their culture but also "export" their culture abroad. These are examples of social networks working in favor of exchanging cultural views, and not imposing only Western viewpoints.

Note: This article is excerpted from Culture Savvy by Maureen Rabotin

Maureen Rabotin is a global executive coach, cross-cultural training consultant, and former associate faculty member in the European master in law and business ethics program at the University of Cergy-Pontoise, France. Specializing in coaching and training high-level executives in navigating globalization and multicultural business environments, Rabotin has a special interest in the study of emotional and cultural intelligence.

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