My name is Lisa, and I am a recovering control freak. Recovering, because I don't think one ever totally exorcises the control freak instinct. We may push it aside for a while, but it always reappears when situations get tough, or when struck by the romance of soapbox coaching.

Shakespeare himself could not have written as good a soliloquy as I have heard from fired-up coaches thinking they were Henry V ready to battle the French. Henry was a ruler, not a coach. We are coaches, not rulers. Soapbox coaching is a common behavior for control freaks. By grandstanding, we become the focus of the conversation and offer advice.

Control freak coaches mean well. We want to help leaders succeed, and we have a good idea of how to do that. We have coached hundreds of people and think we know what will be most helpful for our client. The president is asking ME for advice? The director is turning to ME for sage wisdom? What a rush to the ego!

These are the two most common barriers to great coaching:

  • Newly trained coaches with no business management experience head into a client office with little more than learned coaching processes.
  • Experienced and talented coaches temporarily forget that coaching should focus on the client. They perform instead of facilitate.

It's not easy to resist the allure of elocution when a senior executive looks at you with eager eyes and asks a question. Many of us love to stand up, talk extemporaneously, and draw impressive diagrams on whiteboards while getting high on the attention and the marker fumes.

It is not easy to resist, but we must. Our success as coaches depends on our ability to keep our inner control freak at bay. There is profound power in letting go of power. Great coaches are conversation catalysts. We don't make things happen. We create the dialogue that best enables things to happen. We don't make the leader. We offer the leader a safe place to bring out his or her greatness. We don't invent solutions. We facilitate a creative space where solutions are born.

We are most successful when we offer our clients a vision of an easier way to success. We do not become part of the project, but we influence it by facilitating conversation. For all the control freaks (or recovering control freaks) out there, here's the challenge:

  • See the control freak. You might need to ask a co-worker to confirm your conclusion about whether you are a control freak.
  • Change your definition of success when coaching. I am successful when I help facilitate the greatness and success of my client. I am doing the coaching process a disservice when I succumb to soapbox coaching.
  • Relish in the power and influence that comes from providing a service.
  • Become a great facilitator and catalyst.

As coaches, we know that the ego is a common barrier to our clients' successes. Our ego makes us do strange things. No matter how much fun it might be or how much applause we would earn, let's save the speech for another day and situation.