Strong relationships can be critical to career advancement and success. Here’s how to make connections that lead to long-term relationships, both online and in person.
Do you really feel connected to others inside and outside your organization? Do others think of you when searching for someone to lead a team or project, or for promotional opportunities and new positions? Are you using social media effectively to connect with others?
Over the years, I have watched others network only when they are looking for their next position. This may be a surprise to you, but networking is really about building and maintaining ongoing relationships and asking for advice and leads. When you ask for advice, you make the other person feel like an expert. And we all like to believe that we have something valuable to offer.
A key to building relationships is showing interest in others. You want to learn as much as you can about other people for example, where they’re from, their education, their work experience, their interests and passions, what they are proud of, and why they do what they do.
This is your first step to connecting with others. People love to talk about themselves, so let them. If you are interested in others, they will think you are interesting.
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie writes, "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than in two years of trying to get people interested in you." Of course, you must be genuinely interested in others.
Social media dos and don’ts
Networking and building relationships applies online as well as offline or face-to-face. It amazes me that I often receive LinkedIn invitations asking me to connect to people I don’t know. And when I review their profiles, I have no idea how they know me.
People seem to think that using online tools is the only way to connect with those they don’t know. Of course, it seems easy, and we like to do things that are easy. However, ask yourself how many of the people you are connected to online would really help you in a pinch. It’s the people who know and care about us who will be there when we need them.
Yes, social media is important and a powerful tool for connecting as well as for conducting a job search. Many recruiters are sourcing candidates from these sites, and they are great tools to learn about someone you’ll interview with while possibly opening doors to new opportunities. I value being able to read someone’s profile to learn more about his education and experience, which gives me some topics to discuss when we meet in person.
But when using social media to connect, think about the courtesies you would use to connect in person. For example, you wouldn’t want to hand out business cards to everyone at a meeting or event without at least getting to know something about them or establishing something in common. You want to build relationships one person at a time.
The same goes for asking someone to recommend you. You wouldn’t contact someone you don’t know, hand her your résumé, and ask her to give you a recommendation. This, too, applies online. Here are some guidelines to consider when connecting online, particularly through LinkedIn.
- Link to people you know and with whom you would like to continue building stronger relationships.
- Use LinkedIn to introduce yourself to others through a mutual connection.
- Don’t ask everyone to connect with you, because it’s not a numbers race. You want to build quality, ongoing relationships.
- Use the standard LinkedIn invitation only when you already know the person.
- It’s much better to customize your invitation when linking to people you don’t know by writing a brief note explaining how you heard of them.
- Use the LinkedIn "recommendations" function only for people you have worked with so you can give a quality reference.
- A new LinkedIn feature is called "endorsements," where you can endorse the skills and expertise of people with whom you are connected. This is a great way to reinforce relationships you already have, and I suggest that you send endorsements only for those you really know. A special touch is to thank the person who endorsed you.
- Don’t put others on the spot by asking them to write a recommendation for you if you don’t have some type of working relationship. Look at this as if you were getting a handwritten recommendation letter.
Face-to-face still important
Although social media is an important aspect of networking, it’s not the only way to connect with others. One of the best ways to build strong relationships within and outside your organization is to volunteer for projects, committees, and new opportunities, as well as in professional associations.
You want to be in the same room with people who have similar interests. This will give you topics to talk about and make you feel more comfortable. People want to work with people they like and with whom they enjoy having conversations.
Here are some tips to help you establish and build long-lasting face-to-face relationships.
- Make direct eye contact and smile.
- Give a firm handshake.
- Be professional.
- Listen—be attentive and focused on what the other person is saying.
- Be positive.
- Return all emails and phone calls within 24 to 48 hours.
- Use open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing.
By really getting to know people, you will develop strong relationships with friends and colleagues who will answer the phone when you need them and know that you will reciprocate when they need you. And yes, networking is important in the job search.
I find it fascinating that 90 percent or more of the people I speak with think the only way to land their next position is by applying online; yet 80 percent or more land their next position through someone they know.
During the past few years, I have noticed that many of my colleagues have stopped posting positions on large job boards because they were inundated with hundreds of résumé from unqualified applicants. So instead, they send their openings only to those people in their network who they trust to send them qualified applicants.
I characterize this as "recruiting going underground." It works; these positions are filled quickly with talented individuals who fit into the company’s culture. Employee referrals are among the top methods used to hire individuals. It makes sense because the employee has vetted the candidate, and employers are happy to pay a bonus to an employee who has referred the perfect candidate. It also saves the company posting and advertising fees.
Practice makes perfect
Building relationships is a skill that improves with practice. I am living proof of this. As an introvert, I was never taught how to build relationships and connect with others. While I was OK at meeting new people, I wasn’t completely comfortable and didn’t have a process for doing this.
Over the years, I learned the simple techniques described above and now have colleagues all over the country who I can count on when needed and vice versa. We developed these relationships through ongoing conversations and getting to know one another better each time we talked. The foundation has been built, and we keep adding layers that enrich how we feel about each other.
You can do this, too. It’s all about deciding that this is a necessary skill that will enhance your career and life.