When dealing with difficult personalities, always think about your goal, what you are trying to convey, and your desired outcome. The hardest part in dealing with difficult people is keeping your “intent” in check. You have to be able to separate emotion from logic.
If other people are affecting how we manage ourselves to the point where it is affecting our executive edge, then we’d better learn to manage behaviors that are hard to deal with in our workplace. It would be wonderful if everyone were nice to each other and had each other’s best interest at heart. But the reality is that many people are out for themselves. Sometimes it is a personality issue, and sometimes it is the way the corporate structure is set up.
See the big pig picture
In talking to a client of ours, she had this to say about her group: “It drives me crazy—they are all out for themselves. They are selfish, arrogant, and only want to win. They never look at the big picture, just their individual worlds.”
Then she followed it up by saying, “The problem is that we caused this. They are measured on individual contribution, not collective metrics. Then we get upset when they do not look out for the team. Ultimately, it ends up hurting our clients.”
What do we do with all this? It is a big issue in many companies today. But if your goal is to have an executive edge and lead and succeed, you have to see the big picture and realize that a leader is only a leader when there are followers.
Prevent petty behaviors
You have to be above all the petty behaviors. We worked with a senior vice president who always had to get the last word in on anything relating to her departmental projects. In meetings, she would always respond to people when they had finished speaking, and often she would say, “But we think…” This is a petty behavior.
Another example is when someone has the need to tell people everything they do incorrectly instead of using the situations as coaching opportunities. Letting things go at times is important. In addition, people who are always “right” have a habit of being petty.
Avoid arrogance
When someone is arrogant, it does not matter how intelligent that person is or how good the person is at his or her job. People focus on the behavior and not the competencies.
Here are some strategies for not being—and looking—arrogant:
- Do not act like you know it all: be open to others’ suggestions.
- Smile and greet everyone, not just the people who have titles.
- Keep your body language open and positive.
- When others are talking in meetings, stay engaged.
- Be careful not to make comments that you “know best.”
- Be open to the thoughts and ideas of others.
Here are some strategies for working with arrogant people:
- Realize that many times the person is covering up their own insecurities. It is not really about you.
- Do not react to people who are arrogant—it fuels the fire.
- Do not talk about them; it will ruin your relationships and make you look bad, not them.
- Avoid them; they can hurt your reputation.
Practice humility
Although difficult, it is critical for your future to learn how to deal with these kinds of behaviors. All these behaviors come from ego. While some ego is important, having an inflated ego can hurt you. If you do not have humility, as a leader it is something you must learn.
Humility allows you to keep your ego in check and makes you think before you act. If you have humility, the chance of your having these personality stallers goes down considerably.
I work with an incredible leader who gives the credit to whom it’s due. She does take the kudos alone when it is deserved, but she will always publicly give credit to others when they have been involved. She is highly respected and sought after for both projects and promotions.
Ask yourself:
- Do people work because of you or in spite of you?
- If you have people who work for you, will they go the extra mile for you?
- Will they stay late?
- Will others take on an extra project just because you asked them to?
If the answer is no, they are probably not working because of you and are working in spite of you to just pick up a paycheck. When people work because of you, they will go out of their way for you. You motivate them to go the extra mile.
Editor’s note: This post is adapted from Enhancing Your Executive Edge – How to Develop the Skills to Lead and Succeed. To take an Executive Edge assessment, please visit http://whatismyexecutiveedge.com.
